I haven't written an entry in days. I've been planning to write since two days ago, but I was pretty much caught up with school work and thinking about certain things that have been trying to find its way into my stream of consciousness and perhaps even my subconsciousness, no matter how much I try to filter them.

I went to Eastwood this morning to canvass new basketball shoes since mine have surpassed their average lifetime of 1 and half years. If a pair lasts more than the average it can only mean two things: 1. I don't use them as much or 2. they don't fit. Anyway, I was looking in Nike when I realized that basketball shoes are becoming more and more outlandish as each year. They're starting to look like shoes that Space Ghost would wear to a basketball game. Yeah, basketball shoes have always been about flair and comfort but I guess I just miss the more simple designs of yesteryear.

After canvassing, I took a stroll around the mall for a while before heading home for lunch. I passed by a record store and had my eyes set on a Joe Satriani "Anthology" album and a Lenny Kravitz "Baptism" album, but just as i was about to purchase the over priced cds when I stopped myself in midstride and remembered I was saving up for my sister's birthday gift. Hay...its ok, I can always buy it after. But what if some prick buys it? Argggh!!! Oh well, whats done is done and besides its done out of love.

I was in my sister's room, reading her magazines...don't give me that look! Yes you, the one reading this entry! I'll have you know that one of my crushes (Drew Barrymore) was on the cover, plus there was great article about her. Her words plunged me into thinking about my life, where I really stand.

"I think happiness is a choice," she said. If my friends are reading this, sounds familiar noh? Great minds think a like, hehehehe. I've always believed that but somewhere along the way I get lost. There are moments during the day that even though I get really down and start blaspheming and question everything, I know that I'm happy. Happiness is a choice. Happiness isn't about being problem free or that you don't have any heartaches. Happiness is a choice. We have control over it. If happiness wasn't a choice that you and I should be willing to make and just turned out to be some sort of lottery ticket that is perchanced upon us...well, then damn, the whole world is in deep shit. But you see, happiness isn't a lottery ticket (wow! that would be a great bumper sticker or a print for a shirt...maybe I should this copyrighted)...remember that.

Most if not all of my friends would say that I am cynical, but there is one who looks at me differently. The only one to see me as someone who is so in love with life. And thinking about it, I think its true. Sure, sometimes I can get really depressed but doesn't everybody? I think people who don't get depressed like I do is either a liar or brain dead. I just think people notice my sadness a lot because I'm a very transparent person. My friends tell me that you can look into my eyes and tell if I'm happy or sad.

I've been through a lot during my life, it would be so easy to be cynical and just hate the whole world. But you see, I don't. It would be so easy for me to sulk, stay in bed and wait for someone to save me. But I won't. I can't even stay more than two minutes in bed once I'm up. I was always the type of person who met things head on. I always rush to start my day even though there is no guarantee that its gonna end with a smile. But I still do it because I want to know. I want to know whats in store for me.

So here I am telling you my thoughts on happiness, but the question still remains...Am I happy? I think the answer to that question is better left unanswered...for now.