Before I go on writing my thoughts, please pardon the randomness of thoughts in this entry and understand that I have beat myself up for countless nights, whether or not I should post this entry in my blog knowing that there is a possibility of people outside my circle of friends reading this.

There are a very few certainties in life...one of them being that life is full of uncertainties. Why is it that the only thing I can be sure of these days is that all the really hard questions begin with WHY?
Why do I keep doing this to myself? As in why do I always subject myself to torture? If I were really half as smart as people say I am, I would've done the most logical thing and stay out of harm's way, right? What the hell am I talking about? Love. Love isn't just about the hugs and kisses. It's also about the stress and the tears behind the laughter. It's about the stabs to heart underneath the hugs. Let's say that as of this moment I am in love with a girl (theoretically speaking). Just another girl who waltzes into my life armed with the ability to turn my brain into jello with a smile and turn my day right side up with a simple text, right? Wrong. This one's different. I know what you're thinking. “Yeah, right! That's what all men say!” Before you brand my already battered soul with your premature conclusions that I am a man therefore I am a pig, hear me out.
This girl was definitely not like the other girls I've fallen in love with. What makes this particular scenario different is how I fell in love with her. You see, she's the type of girl that makes guys turn their heads and say, damn. But that's just it, when I first met her I didn't turn my head and say damn. In fact, I didn't say anything. Yes, she's pretty, she has the type of face that you'd want to wake up for the rest of your life, but I wasn't interested in that time because I always thought of her as just another pretty face. But then the unexpected happened, she grew on me and I fell in love. I accidentally fell in love.
I've been sitting here listening to this song entitled, "Accidentally in Love" (how apt!) and it made me smile and laugh about my current disposition. It's just that I never saw this one coming. I mean yeah, you can't really tell when you're gonna be in love but this was just came out of nowhere. I mean, we didn't even talk, I mean really talk until our second year of college. We sat in the same table in the cafeteria, the entire freshman year, and yet we both couldn't even muster a simple hi or a shallow conversation. There were a couple of glances here a couple of smiles there but that was it. It had to take painful experiences, an art class, hordes of smart - aleck kids( who by the way think I have cancer) and a simple, "Nica, what's wrong?" , for us to get our friendship going. I remember walking with her as she poured her heart out to me and then sitting by the curb trying my best to comfort her. How was I supposed to know the girl who sat in front of me countless breaks ago would turn out to be one of my closest friends, how was I supposed to know I was going to love her and how was I supposed to know I was going to be in love with her? Maybe I wasn't supposed to know. Maybe like a gift underneath the tree on Christmas Eve, we're not supposed to know what's inside until we tear through layers of expensive gift wrapping and ribbons. Maybe I wasn't supposed to know because this makes it all the more sweeter. Maybe I wasn't supposed to know because God wanted me to laugh at myself hehehehe. Maybe it's His way of saying, "DUMB ASS!" hahaha!
Normally, when the word accident comes to mind, the first thing that comes to mind is a tragic occurrence that surpasses and encompasses human understanding. Why is that? Is it because as human beings we give more importance to things that we have control over and comprehend? Is it because it is in our nature that we seek to define and explain every occurrence that we come in contact with? I don't know and perhaps such questions don't have answers because that's what makes it so interesting, it makes it worth remembering and it makes it worth pondering about. We don't have control over certain aspects of life and that's what makes us cling to these situations. That's what makes these situations stand out.
Why do I keep doing this to myself? Because even though I don't have a singular explanation as to why I love and in love with this girl, knowing that I just love her is enough. It's not complicated. It's not hard to understand. I love her. Three simple words that explain every question there is to ask. Three simple words to explain the sleepless nights that have come, spent on contemplating every implication and complication that might occur. Three simple words that explain why people such as myself keep doing what we do.

I'm really sorry if I didn't make much sense. Just your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man and the things that swim inside his head.